Jokes
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| The Bush Survival Guide - 250 Ways to Make It Through The NExt Four Years Without Misunderestimating the Dangers Ahead, and Other Subliminable Stategeries |
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There were these two ants looking at the Taj Mahal. 'Mighty indeed are the works of man,' says one. 'Come on' says that other, 'you don't believe that stuff about man do you? If there was a man, why would he allow disasters like insecticides?'
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. After eating, the panda shoots the piano player and then walks out. The bartender chases the panda outside and asks, "What was that all about?" The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary." The bartender finds a dictionary, and there it is: "Panda (n) - A bear-like animal from China and Tibet. Eats shoots and leaves."
The doctor was examining a young blonde model who was having terrible pain in her abdomen.
"My dear, you have acute appendicitis," the doctor said.
The woman became quite angry and said, "Don't try hitting on me doctor, I just want to be examined, not complimented."
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature". Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
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